


In This Together

by gleeokenspiel



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon)
Genre: Character Analysis, Character Study, Depression, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, So I made it myself, as a treat, as much as i love be very afraid, i wouldve loved a more in depth analysis of varians trauma, mostly just an in depth look into his mind but theres some hurt comfort at the end, please help him, takes place after rapunzels return but prior everything else s3, varian is tired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:13:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26504965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gleeokenspiel/pseuds/gleeokenspiel
Summary: Everything should be fine for Varian. He had his father back, no one in Corona was seriously harmed by his wrongdoings, and he was granted forgiveness for what he had done.Yet, why did he still feel so broken?//Basically, an in-depth look at how Varian felt directly after his redemption arc, and how he's forced to learn how to cope with his fears and past.
Relationships: Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider & Varian, Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider/Rapunzel, Rapunzel & Varian (Disney)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 64





	In This Together

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything in so long, so I'm sorry if this is bad! I haven't had the motivation to write a lot after having a falling out with my old beta reader. 
> 
> Admittedly, this got a lot more venty than I wanted it to. I projected a tad more than I had originally planned, but hopefully, it isn't too noticeable and you can still enjoy this little fic! I plan to write more for Tangled, so hopefully, I'll get around to that!

The lab had always been a major source of comfort for Varian. 

Whether it was coming up with a new formula, or just relaxing with Ruddiger, the lab was the one place he truly felt safe. Where he felt like he had some sense of control. That wasn’t something he could feel often, especially nowadays. With everything so different. He didn’t spend much of his time with alchemy anymore.

He spent it alone with his thoughts.

He mostly pondered questions that were unanswered. Like, why didn’t the guards arrest him again after he had broken out? Why did they just...let him go? Just because he helped Rapunzel save Corona? That didn’t suddenly right all the wrongs he had done. It didn’t reverse the clock. At the end of the day, no good deed will ever erase what he had done. The scars he had caused everyone who got caught in his horrible idea on that dreadful night.

So now, here Varian sat. Alone in his lab. Still asking himself these questions.

Not even Ruddiger was here with him at the moment. Don’t get him wrong- Varian loved his raccoon friend. The two had been through a lot together. And for a while, he was all Varian had. But sometimes, even he just needed some time alone. Time to reflect.

Sure, prison had given him  _ some _ time for that. But the tense atmosphere and the constant paranoia often proved to be too much for the young alchemist’s mind. Since the beginning, he never felt like he belonged in prison. Even if he had committed a crime more heinous than the average thief or crook, his mind wasn’t as evil as theirs. Good at heart, is what his dad would describe him as. But even someone with as pure intentions as Varian had before the incident can descend down the path of madness.

It was as though everything that could go wrong, had gone wrong. If just one thing had been different that night, things wouldn’t have turned out this way. If there was no blizzard, Rapunzel wouldn’t have needed to stay behind, and even if she truly couldn’t save his dad, at least he wouldn’t have felt the same betrayal he did when she refused. If Quirin hadn’t come in to check on Varian when he was experimenting with the rocks, he wouldn’t have had to save Varian from the amber, since he would’ve been watching it carefully. That would’ve prevented everything from happening in the first place. But now, even though the situation is better, it doesn’t mean that it’s good.

Varian can tell that not everyone trusts him 100%. And, to say he completely disagreed with the notion would be a lie. But, at the same time...he would be lying if he said he completely agreed, too. He was split down the middle, feeling a strong mix of both feelings. The people of Corona had every right to be mad at him. He almost killed their queen and princess. That was something that could never be undone. But yet, deep down, he had this voice. It reminded him that he was still just a kid. That he was a kid, driven by his anger and sadness. People always assumed that the inner voice deep in your mind is the one that blames you for everything. But Varian found it to be the opposite.

The wounds were still all so fresh, each bad memory like another cut that would never completely heal. Prison was so dark and scary, it was something that Varian never wanted to relive. But, that wasn’t the only reason why he wanted to be good. Deep down, the goodness was just a natural thing his heart produced. Like blood. Varian didn’t ask for it, but it’s probably for the best that he has it.

Varian stood up from his spot on the floor, stretching a bit. That was a long enough reflection session- and yes, that’s what he called them. He walked over to his desk, finding a bunch of notes splayed out, completely unorganized. The thought of reorganizing them only made him cringe. Which was weird, and definitely different. Anyone who knew Varian knew that one of his top priorities was making sure that his work space was clean, organized, and tidy, just in case he accidentally spilled something and ruined his notes, or in case he had to write down something important and ended up losing the paper he wrote it down on because of how unorganized everything was.

Being so unmotivated to do everything he loved was something that made Varian really upset, but he couldn’t really describe the feeling perfectly. He desired the end result, but...working for it was another story. Varian felt no want or desire to clean his desk. He couldn’t convince himself to bring his arms up and start stacking the papers neatly. It just seemed like too much work for such an underwhelming result. Everyone knew Varian loved having a clean workspace, but...he just didn’t want to put in that kind of effort right now. Instead, he wanted to lay on the floor and mope. But he had already stood up. It would probably be in his best interest to leave for the capital soon. He had promised Rapunzel that he’d demonstrate this new formula he had been working on...something that should reverse the effects of the rocks, or something. Honestly, he highly doubted that it would work. It was just some dumb idea he had come up with in prison. But Rapunzel was so adamant on him showing her.

So, he had a vial of the formula brewing. He walked over to it, corking the top and sticking it into his bag. There really wasn’t anything else left for him to do, and the capital wasn’t getting any closer, so...he walked out of the house.

The looks were something that hurt the most, he decided. No one in Old Corona ever said anything to him about what happened. No one ever yelled or lashed out at him. It was only ever looks and tiny gestures. Looks that were etched into his memory. Sometimes they were fearful. Sometimes they were surprised, as if it were some rare phenomenon to see an ex convict walking through the village. And he hated them all. He wanted to yell, to scream at them all, tell them to mind their own damn business. But he couldn’t do that for reasons that shouldn’t need to be said.

Varian was just sad. And that fact was obvious to anyone who had spent any amount of time with him recently. His eyes lacked the cheerful glimmer they had before. He wasn’t the same bubbly, happy-go-lucky kid he used to be. And for the life of him, he couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment that child inside his heart died.

It started with the tragedy with his dad. That part was obvious. But did that piece of him die at that moment, or did it take longer? Was it on the way to prison? Or maybe a little while into his imprisonment? He didn’t know. It all felt like a blur to him.

As he made his way to the capital, Varian reflected more. He probably could’ve saved this for his reflection session, yes. Did he wish he had saved it for that? Yes. The comfort of his lab was something he craved. The blissful peace and quiet, the safety...it was something he longed for every moment he spent away from it. He almost wished he could ask the princess to come there instead. But, that wasn’t really in the question. Not exactly the best thing to ask of someone you tried to kill. And pretty recently, at that.

Varian quickly tried to think of something to get his mind off of all these depressing issues. His...clothes! His clothes. Honestly, he’d be lying if he said he didn’t adore these clothes. They were a gift from Rapunzel, since the outfit he wore after breaking out of prison wasn’t exactly the best thing for an ex-convict to walk around in.

But then again, he quite liked his prison outfit. He thought it was cool. And that’s what Andrew said, too! In fact, it had been the other's idea for him to get new clothes. And while he loved that old apron of his, the prison clothes were just so...so…

...His mind wandered back to prison again, didn’t it?

Varian sighed, kicking up some dirt as he walked. He didn’t ask for this. He liked to joke with himself that he could take any topic in the world and turn it into something that involved his imprisonment, or the betrayal. But it honestly wasn’t feeling much like a joke anymore. Thinking about it made him cringe. Anything he tried to distract himself with just ended up becoming another topic to circle his mind and bother him for ages and ages.

But, thankfully, he had reached the capital, almost on autopilot. The capital was good. It was pretty busy here, meaning the sound could drown out his own thoughts. That was the type of bliss he was looking for. Just something to muffle those thoughts, and put them to the back of his head.

Walking through the capital was different than walking through Old Corona. In the capital, there were so many people here that almost no one paid him any mind. It was nice. Everyone was busy with their own thing, so they just saw him as another person walking down the streets. And, of course, the people of the capital didn’t have the shame of housing a murderous child…

Murderous? No, he wasn’t murderous. Varian hated that word. Especially when used to describe him. He never killed anyone. Not even on accident. Yet the word burned itself into his mind, repeating over and over again as if it were some magic summoning spell. Varian sighed, his shoulders dropping a little. He wanted to take back what he had done. Just erase it from everyone’s memories, and start over. Starting from the beginning would’ve been great. There were so many things he could’ve prevented.

After what felt like a whole day of walking, Varian finally reached the castle. Rapunzel hadn’t been specific on where she wanted to meet- the woods made the most sense to him, since that’s where all the rocks were, but just “the woods” was very vague and could leave Varian searching for hours on end. Even if Rapunzel wasn’t in the castle, at least he could ask someone who might know where she is. Though, he didn’t know who to ask. Definitely not the queen- not after what he did to her. She may have been kind to him during his imprisonment, but it was a kindness that Varian felt like he didn’t deserve. And the king was out of the question, too. The two had a very obvious mutual disrespect towards each other. Neither of them trusted the other, and there are so many things Varian would rather do instead of ask him for help. Besides, those two still kinda...didn’t remember anything. It was something Varian was working on, but

There were a lot of other people out of the question, too. The guards didn’t trust him, the ladies in waiting didn’t trust him, the maids and butlers didn’t trust him...he was very not trusted in the castle. But, again, he had a hard time blaming them.

He was wasting time out here. Varian just took a deep breath to calm his nervous heart and walked up to the entrance to the castle. The guards gave him a strange look as he approached, to which Varian simply responded by lowering his head a little. There were those looks again. He hated those looks. Before Varian was able to reach the door to the castle, the guards blocked it, forcing the boy to take a step back.

“What business do you have in the castle?” Asked one of the guards. It was a simple question, really. And it was typical for them to ask this question when it wasn’t usually time for people to enter the castle without an invitation. But the words still stung Varian a little. Perhaps it was the way they were spat in his face, roughly and uncaringly. Or maybe it was the fact that this proved that he still wasn’t considered someone close with Rapunzel. He liked to believe that the two had become better friends since everything, but it seemed he was the only one to believe that.

“I just want to see the princess,” Varian said calmly. “She asked me to come here so I could demonstrate a new formula, or at least test to see if it works.” He reached into his bag and pulled out the vial, showing it to the guards. One of them examined it closely without touching it, to which Varian had to prevent himself from rolling his eyes. “It’s not poison. It’s supposed to help with the black rocks.”

“I can see that, kid. I just wanted to make sure.”

“If you’re so sure it isn’t poison, why not taste it yourself?” The other guard piped up.

Varian stared at the other guard, dumbfounded that he would even ask a question like that. “It’s not safe for consumption. It still has toxic chemicals in it, it just won’t kill whoever consumes it. It can still cause nausea, vomiting, swelling at the mouth, and…” Varian trailed off when he heard the guards begin to laugh, his voice fading away.

“We were just messing with you, kid. Go inside,” one of the guards said, still laughing. Varian’s face flushed a deep red. He should’ve known they were joking. As he walked inside the castle, though, he heard one of the guards call out to him.

“But seriously, kid. There are guards around every corner of this castle. If you try something, it’s back in the slammer for you.”

The doors shut, earning a flinch from Varian. Those words stung like a hundred bees. Why did it have to be like this? Why couldn’t he just fix things? Now, Varian couldn’t even walk around the castle without fearing that he may be seized by one of the guards. He wasn’t living like Rapunzel was. He didn’t have an army to go out searching for him if he went missing. He didn’t have the trust of just about every citizen in Corona. If something happened to him, the only ones who would care would be his dad, Ruddiger, and maybe the princess and her friends. If he fell, who would be there to pick him back up?

“Varian!”

The alchemist was snapped out of his thought process when he heard Rapunzel calling his name. He looked up, blinking a little as he tried to find her, but she was nowhere to be found. Without warning, he felt her arms wrap around him from the back, picking him up. “P-Princess-!”

“Oh, it’s so good to see you again, Varian! You got here at just the right time! I mean, any time would’ve been the right time, but…” She stopped when she realized the look of mild discomfort on Varian’s face, as well as how tense his muscles were. She carefully put him back down on his feet, smiling awkwardly. “Right...forgot you don’t really like being picked up all that much.”

“It’s fine, Princess, I’ll live,” Varian said with a small smile, brushing off his clothes as if he had just gotten up from off the ground. “It’s good to see you again. I brought the formula that should work against the rocks, if you wanted to go test that out…”

Rapunzel grinned, clapping her hands together. “Perfect! I know you just got out of prison, and you’re probably still recovering from that, but I appreciate you doing this for me, Varian.”

The boy gave a genuine smile at that. Leave it to Rapunzel to make him feel genuinely appreciated. “It’s no problem, Princess. I figured you’d want to-”

“Varian, you don’t have to call me Princess,” Rapunzel cut him off with a patient smile. “We’re friends, aren’t we? You can just call me by my name.”

“O-Of course we’re friends!” Varian shouted, immediately realizing he had raised his voice a little too loud. He instantly shrunk down at the tone of his own voice, clearing his throat. “I-I mean, um, yeah, we’re friends. I guess it’s just a habit.”

Rapunzel looked a little worried at the way Varian shrunk away after shouting, but if she had any intentions on questioning it, she didn’t act upon it. Much to Varian’s relief. “Habit? From what?”

“Prison,” came the immediate answer from Varian. He swallowed nervously, wondering if the answer had come out too fast. He didn’t mean for it to. It just...came out. As if he had been anticipating her asking that question. “No one there called you Rapunzel. It was always ‘the princess’. I guess...I developed it from them without realizing.”

Rapunzel gave Varian a sympathetic look. Yet another thing the boy hated. Abundance of sympathy. When people acted like he was the most unfortunate thing in the world. He directed his gaze off to the side, wishing to get that look out of his head. He didn’t look back up at her until she spoke again; “So, should we get going to the woods?”

Varian nodded eagerly. Anything to get out of this castle. Rapunzel swiftly took his hand and began to run back the way Varian came, the boy in tow. As they ran past the guards again, Varian made sure not to look them in the eyes even for a moment. The concept alone filled him with an indescribable anxiety. So he kept his head down, eyes fixed on the ground beneath him, only looking up once he was positive the guards were far behind them.

Running back through the capital, Varian didn’t take his eyes off the back of Rapunzel’s head. He didn’t want to see any more looks. He didn’t want to deal with any more judgement. He just wanted to show off the formula, probably have it fail, and then go right back to his lab. Maybe even with Ruddiger. He longed for the company of his raccoon friend, to just lay in the dead silence with his pal. He loved the princess, really. But...he just wasn’t in the mood today. Today just felt like an off day.

Varian didn’t even realize that they had reached the woods until they came to a sudden stop. Rapunzel let go of his hand, allowing his arm to fall lazily to his side. There were a few clusters of rocks in front of them. Varian stepped towards the ones closest to them, looking back at Rapunzel nervously. The princess gave him an encouraging smile and nod. Varian looked back at the rocks, opening his bag and pulling out the vial. He uncorked it carefully, holding it out towards the rocks. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and dumped the contents out onto the rocks.

At first, nothing happened. And it stayed that way for a while, too. Varian sighed after a couple seconds, his shoulders dropping. He turned back towards Rapunzel, a look of genuine disappointment and shame on his face. “I knew it wouldn’t work. Even if the rocks reacted to the formula, it was unlikely it’d do what I planned for it to.”

Rapunzel gave Varian a sympathetic frown. There it was again. Varian was beginning to resent this part of the princess. “Oh, Varian...you tried your best. So what if it didn’t work? Just means you need to work and think harder!”

Varian shook his head. “I don’t think you understand what I’m trying to say, Rapunzel. It’s not the formula. If the rocks really are being controlled by Cassandra, they don’t react to alchemy the way they should.” The mention of her name sent chills down Varian’s spine. He quickly tried to change the subject, not wanting to linger on it for too long. “It didn’t work, unfortunately. That’s the end of it. I could try coming up with something else, but who knows if it’ll work.” Weak attempt at changing the topic, but...

“I don’t think that’s the case, Varian. I don’t think Cassandra has full control over the rocks.” Of course she’d linger on the topic. Varian never should’ve mentioned her name to Rapunzel. “Just...work on it a little more. I know you can do it. It probably just needs a bit more research, right?”

Even if that were the case, Varian didn’t want to. He couldn’t believe a thought like this was crossing his mind, but he didn’t want to research it. He thought that once he got out of prison, he would be all over his books and beakers that had been left to collect dust. But that wasn’t the case. Varian wished that he knew how to tell all this to Rapunzel. 

Right as the boy opened his mouth to speak, the ground suddenly began to shake. Varian’s eyes widened before he could get a word out, as more of the rocks began to sprout up from the ground. 

“W-What’s happening, Varian?” Rapunzel asked frantically, stepped backwards. Varian backed away as well, not talking his eyes off the rocks.

“I-I think I may have made her mad with the formula!”

As the two backed away from the sprouting rocks, Varian’s heart nearly skipped a beat when he felt his back hit a tree. But, he couldn’t do anything. When he tried to run off to the side, a rock sprouted up directly in front of where he tried to run to. The same thing happened until Varian was trapped against the tree, his heart pounding out of his chest. The rocks had stopped growing, but....now he was trapped.

“Varian!”

Varian swiftly turned around to where he heard the princess’s voice. He couldn’t quite see her past the rocks, but he could still hear her. “R-Rapunzel! Help me!”

“Don’t worry, Varian, hold on!” Varian’s eyes continued to dart around, fear consuming him. What if Rapunzel couldn’t get him out? What if she left him there? There were so many what if’s in this scenario, and they all scared Varian half to death. However, his thoughts were interrupted by long, golden locks of hair descending down. He looked up, noticing that Rapunzel had thrown her hair over a branch. Without hesitation, he grabbed on, and felt himself being hoisted up.

Once he had been pulled up, he jumped down from the branch, taking a few deep breaths. He looked back on where the rocks had trapped him against the tree, a feeling of dread burying deep in his stomach. He turned back towards Rapunzel with a frightened frown. “Do you think that was her…?”

Rapunzel took a couple steps towards the rocks, giving a slight nod. “I think it might be...I’m sorry, Varian, I didn’t think she’d react that way. You’re not hurt, are you?”

Varian smiled slightly, shaking his head. “No, I’m fine. Just, uh...startled.”

Rapunzel returned the smile, calming Varian a little. “It scared me, too. Here, we should probably go back before anything else happens…”

Varian didn’t think the walk back could be any worse than what just happened, but somehow it was. The entire thing was just so...awkward. Varian couldn’t take it. They walked back in dead silence, and each second, each step they took, only made it worse. Every time Varian looked over at Rapunzel, she would quickly cast her gaze in another direction. It was killing him, not knowing what she was thinking. Until, finally, she paused right before the bridge leading to the capital. Varian paused beside her, looking up at her with confusion.

“Varian, can...I ask you to do something?” And, there it was. He was already going to hate whatever she would ask him to do. I mean, if she was asking for him to do something, it had to be something involving alchemy or science. So, he just responded to her by tilting his head to one side and raising an eyebrow.

“So, you know how my mom and dad kinda...don’t have their memories anymore, right? Do you think that you can try and find a way to bring them back?”

He didn’t want to believe that this was what she’d want, but he shouldn’t be so surprised that it is. Varian was hoping that she wouldn’t ask that, but he knew that she wouldn’t just let the two live without their memories. And Varian knew that he had to right all the wrongs he or the other Separatists of Saporia had done, whether or not he had been involved in their deeds. It didn’t feel fair, but it was. 

“I’ve been working to find a resolve for it,” Varian told her. It wasn’t a total lie. He had been trying to help. But that didn’t necessarily mean that he made any definitive progress. “I promise, I’ll find a way to bring back their memories. I caused this, and I’ll fix it, too.”

Rapunzel gave Varian a smile, to which Varian could only respond with an attempt at one. But it had no real heart behind it. It felt fake, Varian knew it probably looked fake, and now he was overthinking things. He couldn’t be happy. He couldn’t even try to act happy. It all felt so fake, fake, fake. He felt fake. Everything about him. How could he know himself that he had really changed?

“Varian, are you sure you’re alright?”

Varian looked up at Rapunzel, his wide, frightened eyes meeting her worried ones. He hadn’t realized just how fast his heart was pounding, or how his mind was racing a mile a minute. He tried to choke out a response, but found himself only able to give a less than confident nod.

“Maybe you should come back to the castle for a little. You look like you’re about to faint, did the rocks really scare you that bad?”

“No!” He finally shouted, his will to maintain his pride and dignity stronger than his internal fears. “I, I mean, not at all. The rocks didn’t scare me. I’m just, uhh...tired! Tired, that’s all. I spent all night working, and I hardly slept last night. That’s all. And, uh...I’d just prefer to go home and rest.”

Rapunzel’s eyes narrowed a bit as Varian offered a not so convincing smile in an attempt to be convincing. The princess sighed, her expression morphing into a sympathetic one. “Then, at least let me take you back home and make sure you get the rest that you need. You...seem like you’re stressed out about something.”

“Why should you be so concerned about that?”

It certainly came out harsher than he had intended for it to. Varian’s eyes widened the instant he realized what had come out of his mouth. His gaze immediately shot to the floor, embarrassment and obvious nervousness crossing his features. But rather than giving some kind of retort, Rapunzel simply took Varian’s hands gently, causing the boy to look back up at her.

“Because you’re my friend, Varian. Friends care for each other, whether you want them to or not. You matter to me. If it weren’t for you and your genius ideas, Corona would’ve been destroyed.”

“If it weren’t for me, Corona wouldn’t have even been in danger in the first place,” Varian murmured. It was evident from the look on his face that he didn’t feel like arguing over this right now. “Look, Rapunzel, I just want to go home right now.”

Rapunzel looked like she wanted to say something else, but the desperate yet tired look on Varian’s face was enough to let her know that this wasn’t the best time to continue this conversation. “Okay. Let’s get you home, then.”

Varian didn’t say another word. He and Rapunzel just began to walk back to Old Corona, which, thankfully, wasn’t too far from where they were anyway. The silence between the two was deafening. But, Varian found it difficult to say that he hated the silence. He enjoyed it, in all honesty. Silence meant he didn’t have to talk. And if there was one thing that he didn’t want to do right now, it was talk.

After a long and extensive walk that definitely went on for much longer than it needed to, the pair arrived back at Varian’s house in Old Corona. Varian leaned against the wall tiredly, sighing. Finally, Rapunzel spoke up for the first time since the two began their walk back here; “You should really get some sleep, Varian. It’s a good idea for you.”

Varian was about to oppose, but he found that Rapunzel was already leading him to his bedroom. Honestly, he didn’t care anymore. He was done with caring. The next few moments were nothing but a blur to the young alchemist. One moment he was following behind Rapunzel to his room. The next, he was falling. And everything went dark.

***

When Varian awoke, he found that the ground beneath him was much softer than he remembered. He slowly moved his hand around a little, trying to find...something to grab onto. But all his hand could find was an edge. When Varian opened his eyes to investigate for himself, he realized someone had put him into bed- he didn’t remember getting here. 

“So, kid, are you done throwing surprises at us without warning, or do you still have a few more tricks up your sleeve?”

At the sound of a seemingly unfamiliar voice, Varian shot up, looking over at where it came from. It...was just Eugene. Though, for some reason, that wasn’t any less concerning than if it was a complete stranger. Though, in his exhaustion, Varian could only get out...about half of a word. “Whaa...?”

Eugene gave Varian a smirk, walking a bit closer to his bed. “You apparently fainted on your way to bed. Which, honestly, isn’t all that great for your health, hair-stripe. I mean, c’mon.”

The look thrown at Eugene by Varian was a look that easily could have killed. “What are you doing in my house?”

Eugene blinked, caught off guard by the passive-aggression from the boy. “Well, I was getting to that part. Once you fainted, Rapunzel put yours truly in charge of making sure that you didn’t wake up and do anything rash while she’s busy making you tea.”

Varian blinked, every single word that had just come out of Eugene’s mouth causing him to lose half of his brain cells. “First off- I’m not hurt or sick, so I don’t know why the tea is necessary. Second- did you watch me the entire time I was asleep?”

Eugene nodded proudly. “Sure did.”

At that moment, Rapunzel walked into Varian’s room, a tray in her hands with three cups and a piping hot kettle. All of them looked old and rusted, meaning she must’ve used Varian’s things. Great.

“Ah, Varian! I’m so glad to see you’re awake!” She said, placing the tray down on the bed beside him. She began to pour tea carefully into the three cups. Okay, this was weird, Varian had decided. Rapunzel was acting strange. She forced one of the cups into Varian’s hands, to which the boy could only respond with; “I don’t really drink tea.”

“It’s good for you, though!” She tried to encourage him, sitting down and taking a drink from her own cup. Varian watched her, sighing, before taking a small sip. Eugene chortled a little, resulting in both Rapunzel and Varian glaring at him.

“So...Varian,” Rapunzel began. “Now that you’re awake, do you...have anything you want to talk about?”

“Nope,” came the immediate response. Varian did not have a need to talk about his feelings, end of story. Why should he, anyway? 

“...Are you sure?”

“Yup.”

“Positive?”

“Absolutely.”

“...Absolutely, positively cer-”

“Rapunzel!” Varian didn’t want to shout, but he was clearly fed up. Rapunzel’s eyes widened before she shrunk away a little, feeling bad.

“Hey, kid,” Eugene began calmly. “We just wanna help you. I mean, Cassandra never talked about her feelings, and now you can see where that got her. What we’re trying to say is...if you have anything you need to get off your chest, you know that you can rely on us.”

Oh, how tempting it was to dump every single thought he’s had these past few days onto the two. But while they may be stubborn, so was Varian. “I’ve already ended up like Cassandra before. Look, I understand that I’ve made amends and we’re all cool now and everything, but that doesn’t mean I want you guys to disregard everything that happened to me.” Varian sighed, looking down into his cup of tea. He figured he would shut the gates now before the flood came, even if it wasn’t the best place to end his train of thought.

“But...I thought you wanted everyone to forget what happened?” Rapunzel asked quizzically.

“Because I know that no matter how hard I try to make amends, there’ll be some people who just won’t forgive or forget.” The sadness in the boy’s tone was heartbreaking. “And besides. It’s not gonna be anything you haven’t heard before.”

“So what? Rapunzel asked, placing a caring hand on Varian’s knee. “Sometimes, it helps to talk about these things to other people, even if you’ve said them before. And now, you have our full attention. Both of us. So, whatever’s on your mind, just talk to us...please?”

Despite his best efforts, Varian found it so hard to decline. He tried forcing himself to say no. But, ‘no’ wasn’t exactly the word that came out of his mouth. “I...I’m scared. I mean, that part’s obvious. I’m scared of a lot of things. But mostly, I’m scared of my own past. And, y’know, the past is the past, right? But that’s not how it works for me. I’m so afraid of what happened that it doesn’t leave my mind. I think about prison, and everything that happened during my time there. I think about what it was like to have everyone against you, and know deep down that you’re the villain of the story. And- it just eats at me. It never goes away. It stays and it stays until I just can’t take it anymore. And the worst part about it is, I can’t even find it in me to do what I love anymore. I can’t find it in me to practice alchemy, or invent new things that can change Corona forever. I have ideas, but nothing feels worthy of my time. I...I can’t bring myself to do what I used to love doing. I don’t know what’s happening.” He looked up at the two for the first time since shooting off at the mouth his eyes were sad and slightly scared, looking about two seconds away from tears. “I...I’m scared.”

Admittedly, Varian had gone on for a lot longer than he wanted to. He didn’t mean to rant for as long as he had, but he couldn’t stop once he had started. It was like a flood of words found their way into his throat, and the only way to release them was to speak them. While he didn’t like those sympathetic looks given to him by the two listeners, he had to admit that getting all that off his chest felt wondrous.

“Varian, I...I didn’t know you felt that way,” Rapunzel spoke softly, Varian finding himself unable to bear looking her in the eyes. “I didn’t know that you felt so strongly about everything that happened...but, I promise you, everything’s fine now. Okay…?”

Eugene nodded, adding his input. “She’s right, kid. It’s not like you’re some murderous child anymore.”

Varian visibly cringed. There was that word again. Murderous. The word that he hated oh so much. Did others really see him as murderous? As some monster? Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Rapunzel nudge Eugene, and respond as if she could read Varian’s mind.

“You aren’t murderous, Varian. You were confused, and scared, and...hurt. You did what you thought was right for you, and even if it was bad, you didn’t know who else to turn to. You regret your choices, and you’re working on making amends. That’s what matters, alright?”

Varian took a long sip of his tea, but he barely opened his mouth enough for any of it to pass through his lips. Honestly, anything to put off giving a response, even if just for a few seconds. “But that’s the thing. I know I need to right all the wrongs I’ve done to everyone, and to Corona. But I just...can’t. It’s like any ounce of inspiration I get is beaten by a lack of motivation. Alchemy just isn’t fun anymore. Nothing is fun anymore.”

“I believe I may know the answer to this one,” Eugene cut in before anyone could say anything else. “Trust me, kid. I don’t think that you’re as over all of this as you think you are.”

“As over...what?”

“I think Eugene has a point,” Rapunzel agreed. “Even if you say everything’s fine, it doesn’t change the fact that you were hurt badly by everything. You’re hurting more than you’d like to admit, aren’t you?”

Varian just looked down at his reflection in the cup of tea Rapunzel had given him, running his finger along the rim. His silence seemed to be enough of an answer for the two of them.

“You’re still haunted by what happened,” Rapunzel continued. “And it’s preventing you from doing what you love.”

Varian had been trying so hard not to cry. He really was. But they had just hit the nail directly on the head. Somehow, they were able to explain perfectly how he had been feeling, when he was the one who was feeling it. Varian felt tears begin to trail down his cheeks, though he still didn’t look up from his reflection. At the first sob that came out of his mouth, a comforting hand immediately found its way to Varian’s back, rubbing gently, soothing circles into it. He was too focused on crying that he couldn’t tell just who it was, but it was someone.

“I don’t know how to fix it,” Varian whimpered, sniffling quietly. “I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried so much, but forcing myself to work just makes me feel miserable. I don’t know what I want anymore…”

“Hey, kid, it’s gonna be okay,” Eugene said in an attempt to be calming. Though it never struck Varian as something that would be the man’s strong suit, those few words were surprisingly comforting already. Maybe it was just that older brother energy Eugene had, “The three of us will figure this out, yeah? We can do it. You just gotta let us help you, instead of forcing yourself to rely on nobody but yourself.”

“Eugene’s right. We want to help you out of this, Varian. But you need to let us. Will you do that for us?”

Both of them were far too nice. Varian couldn’t help but get the lingering feeling that he didn’t deserve any of it. But, he needed to force down those thoughts. He didn’t want them to take over his mind. So instead, he threw himself into Eugene’s arms, unable to stop himself from sobbing into his chest. He felt him wrap his arms around him, Rapunzel offering comfort in the form of words that didn’t quite reach Varian’s ears, but he knew she was saying something. And for a moment, everything felt okay.

When he finally pulled away, he felt like a mess. He probably looked like one, too. He sniffled, wiping any remaining tears from his eyes. For once, being met with two sympathetic expressions didn’t seem all that bad.

“We’ll get through this together, Varian,” Rapunzel murmured. “I promise. And that’s a promise that I’ll keep no matter what.”

Eugene nodded in agreement. “You can rely on us, kid. We’re your friends. I’m sure you’ll notice almost everything is...a whole lot easier if you have friends to fall back on.”

For the first time in a while, Varian gave a genuine smile. He pulled the two in for a hug at once, the last tear slipping down his face being one of happiness before he spoke words from the bottom of his heart;

“We aren’t friends. We’re family.”


End file.
